Feelings

I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel angry. I feel relieved. I feel annoyed. I feel tested. I feel tired. I feel. I think that's my problem. I feel everything now. I went through a good part of my teen years in typical teenage fashion. I was numb as I could be and when I felt it was usually angry. I didn't want kids. I didn't want to be married. I wanted to travel the world and save the mud guppies. I'm 25 now. Married with a wonderful toddler and trying to get pregnant again. I love my husband so much I'm willing to deal with shit I would have never said yes to in the past. A military life style isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure I love the cheap dental and health insurance. The commissary is awesome and nuke bonuses are amazing, but I would love to have some mental stability. I knew about deployments. We are getting ready for one now. That's why I moved home, but no one said anything about under ways and work ups. No mention of duty days and crappy hours. I went months with only seeing my husband twice a week with a baby to raise a 10000 miles from home. Granted I was used to raising him on my own. When he was born, my husband had started prototype. (3 set of school for nukes) He was on 13 hour rotating shift work and only got 2 actual days off from school. This was everyday for 7 days then 2 days off.  Back to whatever it was I was thinking about. Oh yeah. Feelings. I think my body is fighting back. I haven't had any down time (real down time) since before I found out I only had a little over a week to pack instead of 3 like I thought. He could only get leave from the 1-5th of November. So here I am. still unpacking. With my husband still back where we lived and baby and I where I grew up.He doesn't deploy for another couple of months, but our lease was up and it would have cost too much for us to stay there.....................to be continued. My toddlers is misbehaving.