sometimes I can't fix everythingg.

"Happy News honey, by the way since the money didn't come tonight, we might have to wait until the end of the week"  7 days after rent is due.  Two possible outcomes and only one will fix the problem. We messed up in our math and I figured out how and why, but the one way I thought I could fix it failed and now I wait to hear back from my landlord to see if they will wait to cash the rent check. Next time don't tell me these things on holidays. Buzz kill

Icelandic goodness.

REYKA Vodka. An intense heat with a clean feeling. Not too exspensive. Has a bit of a citrus note to me. Good with Ruby red.

The cronicles of the terrible TWOS>.

He found the toilet paper my sister left on the kitchen counter.

A gift for me.

My Christmas present this year is a girls weekend at the spa without my son! We are staying at the Wilderness  hotel and going to Sundara spa. I'm taking my sister and our friend E with me as my gift to them.  I wanted to bring my bff with, but I don't know when she'll be back to the area. This will be the second time I will be away from my son for a 2 day period. I'm looking forward to shopping and eating without having to juggle an active toddler. I love him, but I need some mommy time. I have been to Sundara before and I got their signature massage last time and it was amazing! They have a purifying ritual you go through before your service. It  is spectacular. This year, I'm spoiling myself with a dream facial and a signature pedicure. My sis went last year too and is getting the same thing as me. Our friend, E, hasn't been their before. She wants a massage and a pedicure.  We are planing on taking a Sleigh ride and  going to KnuckleHeads.  I'm looking forward to going to Sarentos and the Brat House. I love going to the Dells. There's lots to do.  Plus there is a Tanger outlet and Market Square Cheese.  It's going to be a great trip!

Random video

I had a friend post this on FB. Yeah. I laughed and cried.

Day one?

I dropped my husband off at the bus station this after noon to catch a flight back to VA.  I don't know whether  to call today my first day of separation or tomorrow, but i think I'm the only one that cares. So highlights of it all are...
1. Pit in stomach. I felt like I had over eaten though I hadn't as i drove away from the station.
2. Sadness. I randomly cried as I tried to keep it together enough to drive the 30 minutes home.
3. Acceptance. Upon making it home and trudging myself and H up the stairs.
4. Relief. Why? It was over . The horrible dread that he was leaving for a good chunk of time was gone.
I came to accept it a bit ago. I didn't have to like it, but I could deal. Now I just want time to go smoothly. I promised daily pictures and emails. So between that, H and kicking my butt into shape( other then round), I think I will keep busy.

A day I was gonna hate.

Yesterday was the day I was originally supposed to drop off my husband at the bus stations, but God answered my prayers. All flights to Norfolk were canceled for a day. I got an extra day with him. I'm grateful and happy for it. .

Fatty Mcfattison-The New Year

My plan is to quit caffeine and limit my soda intake to no more then 2 a day. I understand how much soda effects water weight in my body. I also want to also post recipes and post challenges I face. I know myself well enough to know. It's not really the food I eat. It's my lack of exercise.  So that's gonna be my biggest challenge. I have Zumba, but i get tired after only 10 minutes of working through it. Sad. I know. lol. It's hard focusing on yourself after having a kid. You put your needs on the back burner. So it's time I focus on me a little. 

Photo of the day.

My son playing with a toy at my parents house on Christmas morning while my husband  and I watched.
I picked a happy photo for today being that today was a good, but sad day for me.

Song of the day

Her Diamonds lyrics
Songwriters: Thomas, Rob;

Oh what the hell she says
I just can't win for losing
And she lays back down

Man there's so many times
I don't know what I'm doin'
Like I don't know now

By the light of the moon, she rubs her eyes
Says it's funny how the night can make you blind
I can just imagine

And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
But if she feels bad then I do too
So I let her be

And she says ooh I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now

She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down, way down

She sits down and stares into the distance
And it takes all night
And I know I could break her concentration
But it don't feel right

By the light of the moon, she rubs her eyes
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there's something less about her

And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
But don't let her see

And she says ooh, I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now

She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She shuts out the night
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
Then she'll be alright, she'll be alright
Just not tonight

And she says ooh, I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now

She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling

Ooh, I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
But her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now

She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

I can't take no more
Diamonds on the floor
No more, no more, no more
Diamonds falling down

I can't take no more
Diamonds on the floor
No more, no more, no more
Diamonds falling down

I can't take no more
Diamonds on the floor
(No more, no more)
Her diamonds falling, all her diamonds
Diamonds falling down

I can't take these diamonds falling down

[- From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/r/rob-thomas-lyrics/her-diamonds-lyrics.html -]

Working on it:blog ideas

*Lacking in tose- Hendricks Milk battle.
*Allergy VS Intolerence- My battle with body/food  changes.
*Fatty McFattison-Food blog
*Song of the week.
*Terrible TWO-learning to deal with my toddler
*Photo of the day.

The Saturday before Christmas.

I'll finish writing about Kayde later. It's not my mind frame right now, though I did spend time with her mom today. She came to my house warming party. Which wasn't too bad. Pretty much just close friends and family showed up. We have tons of left over food and I think I might start pooping cheese soon. lol. I got some gifts, which was unexepted and nice. I still havn't gotten a single gift for anyone, because they money is two days late now. Big fing surprise. I just would like to have it done. I know I've already complained about it. Just still worried and mad at the same time.

My BFF, Rose

No, that's actually not her name. It's Kayde. I did a blog on my husband. So I decided to do one on Kayde, my best friend.
We've been friends since I was 7.  Not always best friends, but we ended but that way. She's an amazing person. Beautiful,  smart, kind and  supportive.      ..............................I have to finish later. 

My husband. 12/15/2010

                                                                        (Last winter)



That's all I have left until leave with my husband. Lord knows I miss him. He's one of those guys you thought didn't exist.  I'm not bragging. No, he's not a super model or a billionaire. Nothing like that.

 He's a nice normal human. He's not over powering or pushy. He lets me do what I want within reason. He's supportive and kind,  but he can be stern if need be. He's an amazing and loving father.

                                                                        (4months)



  Granted he's horribly messes and is not allowed to handle the finances, but he wants to support his family.    He's a wonderful cook, who enjoys the challenge of working around my food intolerances.

                                                                   (11months)


He loves me for who I am and I him. He's a nerd and proud of it, but he doesn't try to inflict his nerdiness on me.  We understand each other so well it's creepy. We don't always have to be doing stuff together and can enjoy silence. ( if we ever get any)  I'm blessed to have him in my  life. 

                                                                          (over due)

Somone needs to shoot the drama lama!

I'm cool with pretty much everyone. There are only a few select people I choose not to get along with. Honestly I just avoid them. I've  had more than my fair share of the drama lama.  I don't think it's that hard to not have those people in your life, unless of course they are family. That gets tricky, but when it comes to who you let in your life and hang out with it is your choice.  I won't name names, but a lot of my "facebook" friends complain about so and so stabbing them in the back and people talking shit. Why don't you just delete them? Try not calling or texting them.  If they are trying to hurt you and mess up your life then why are you friends? I don't understand.!  Just kick them out of your life! Or better yet. Confront them! Call them out. Not on Facebook, but to their face. Don't let them get away with it. Are we still in high school?  Honestly, if you don't try to get rid of the problem upfront you're asking for drama and you're just as childish as the person that's doing it.

Time Apart

So Wednesday afternoon, I get to see my husband, whom I haven't seen since November 5th. It's not the longest period of time we have been away from each other. During his Nuke schooling, I saw him twice from Feb. 14th to July 26th. There's been huge chunks of underways and him doing training in other states that he's been gone for too, but this time it feels different, because of what happened. I know he's fine. We are okay and everything. It's just that I currently hate myself right now and after thinking of the possibility that my husband wasn't happy with me that way. It  rips at my self esteem . Sorry about the spelling. He tells me all the time that to him I'm the sexiest thing on two legs and I always roll my eyes. I've never been super thin or super heavy until I had my son. Now all I want more then anything is to fix back in the jeans I wore before I got married and pregnant. Lord knows it's a lot easier to add those pounds then it is to loose them. Plus we are trying for number two and I don't want to work really fricking hard only to gain weight again. I was doing okay until I moved home. Now I'm back to drinking way too much coke and saying yes to McDonalds, which before I moved back I hadn't had in almost 2 years. I love Mc chickens. lol. weak spot. I have a goal for the start of the new year. No soda. Cold turkey. I'm not going to have fast/fried food anymore as of NOW. I don't fry anything at home anyways. I really don't want my son to struggle with his weight. So I'm good about food at home and super good with him. granted yes I struggle with getting anything green in him unless it's covered in cheese. We're working on it. So back to my nerves. I feel like I look like shit and I don't want my husband to see me in any undressed fashion. I don't feel sexy or remotely attractive lately, but we are trying and after this chunk of leave I see him for more than 6 months. I was shy with him the first huge chunk of time we were apart. I just wish I felt different.

Waiting. Not my strong suit.

I've been waiting. Waiting for  everything. If I could actaully do something that I haven't done already or something consrtuctive I would have by now.  Well since you asked. I'm waiting for my husbands reenlistment bonus. We have it all worked out and budgeted. I even have everything set up to pay bills, put into savings and buy Christmas gifts. Problem is that it's not here yet. Long story short. Navy messed up 6 times. My biggest worry is the fact that I need to buy plane tickets for my husbands leave trip home on the 15th. Yeah. Ouch. Everyday, we wait, the more it costs. So it went from beeing just over 200 to being over 410. I like things to be worked out by now, but I fear it will come late and I don't want less time with my husband. This is the last time I will see him before he deploys. Then he's gone for 6-8 monthsand that's only the begining. I've preyed about it daily, but I fell werid doing that for money. So I'm back to the waiting. which I suck at.

a letter served

I neglected this long enough. My last post was that I was that I was gonna write the next day only to have a very sick toddler all night and no real sleep. Then I simply forgot. To  be honest I can't remember the point to my last post and I'm on a different chain of thought. I went through something yesterday that nearly ate me alive. I got a letter from my husbands ex girlfriends boyfriend saying that my husband was cheating on me. by cheating I mean sexting and dirty pics.  I had no way of finding out anything until this afternoon being that my husbands underway.  I played a thousand different scenarios in my head. I wasn't sure what I should believe. I know my husband, but then again. He is a male, but the letter was off and there was history with them. turns out that my husband has been helping her work up the courage to leave the guy9uz he's a possessive jealous crazy person and he sent the letter to hurt Matt. He's abusive and my husband very much likes to be a superhero. I went through hell thinking that things might be over cuz of some asshole. Brilliant. Now I know what you're thinking. why did you doubt him? I completely. I just know what I look like and what this girl looks like. I more thought she might be trying to steal my husband more then my husband going after her and I've been the other woman before  in the past. I just doubt men in general. I should have just waited and not thought about it!ut that's a weak point for me. I had to wait for answers everything is ok now. other then my self esteem. it hits hard when you think of your man with another person.  pardon any spelling mistakes using my phone. I ever want to feel that way again.

That's the plan stan

tommorrow I will write

Feelings

I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel angry. I feel relieved. I feel annoyed. I feel tested. I feel tired. I feel. I think that's my problem. I feel everything now. I went through a good part of my teen years in typical teenage fashion. I was numb as I could be and when I felt it was usually angry. I didn't want kids. I didn't want to be married. I wanted to travel the world and save the mud guppies. I'm 25 now. Married with a wonderful toddler and trying to get pregnant again. I love my husband so much I'm willing to deal with shit I would have never said yes to in the past. A military life style isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure I love the cheap dental and health insurance. The commissary is awesome and nuke bonuses are amazing, but I would love to have some mental stability. I knew about deployments. We are getting ready for one now. That's why I moved home, but no one said anything about under ways and work ups. No mention of duty days and crappy hours. I went months with only seeing my husband twice a week with a baby to raise a 10000 miles from home. Granted I was used to raising him on my own. When he was born, my husband had started prototype. (3 set of school for nukes) He was on 13 hour rotating shift work and only got 2 actual days off from school. This was everyday for 7 days then 2 days off.  Back to whatever it was I was thinking about. Oh yeah. Feelings. I think my body is fighting back. I haven't had any down time (real down time) since before I found out I only had a little over a week to pack instead of 3 like I thought. He could only get leave from the 1-5th of November. So here I am. still unpacking. With my husband still back where we lived and baby and I where I grew up.He doesn't deploy for another couple of months, but our lease was up and it would have cost too much for us to stay there.....................to be continued. My toddlers is misbehaving.

words

I found myself thinking that maybe I'm going about this all wrong. I had these thoughts and words all sorted out then I lost the anger that fueled my rant and no longer felt the need to express how much of a two faced douche bag this woman is. I wanted to convey myself as this person that most people see me as, but I know deep down that I'm a little more twitch and crazy then people think.   So my idea of letting you in to my personality before spouting off about rude and conceded people seems to off now. So fuck it. Fuck it, Aye!  (Side note: I love how my phone tells me I'm spelling fuck wrong!) I'm going to write like you already know me and take me as I am

Back story.

A little bit of back logging here. I feel that if I just dive into what I want to say without explaining my train of thought. The point would be lost. So here goes.......
     I am by no means a drama queen or a gossip. Far from it. I don't relish talking down to people or belittling in anyway. I grew up  being the one that was there for anyone that needed me. I was the voice for the misfits and the ones bullied.  I don't rank myself with anyone. I don't  put myself above anyone. I put family and friends first.
Why? That's how I was raised and that's what I believe is the right thing to do.  Now did I always have this view point and stick with it? No. I've made my fair share of mistakes and then some. I don't like being the center of attention and even just explaining this much about myself has already seemed like way too much.  I do however want to share my experiences with people. Why? We all need to learn some how. So back to my points. Ha. To make this easier and less wordy. I'll just list  them.

Dislikes

*Stuck up people
*Fake People
*Drama Lamas
*People that stick with their snap jugdements
*Liers
*Bullies
*People in general.......Just kidding!
*Crazy drivers.
*Narrow minded people

Now I don't hate these people. I DON"T HATE ANYONE. I do however struggle with disliking them. I just recently "regained" my faith in God, but That's another story.

I do believe that is enough to help set up for my next post.
Thank you for actually reading this so far and I'm sorry if I bore you.

Begining to blog.

Forgive me for the rough start that is taking place. I'm new to this site and I'm still working out the kinks. I want to for warn everyone. This is a trial run. Now if you'll excuse me. I must change a poopy diaper.