That's the plan stan

tommorrow I will write

Feelings

I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel angry. I feel relieved. I feel annoyed. I feel tested. I feel tired. I feel. I think that's my problem. I feel everything now. I went through a good part of my teen years in typical teenage fashion. I was numb as I could be and when I felt it was usually angry. I didn't want kids. I didn't want to be married. I wanted to travel the world and save the mud guppies. I'm 25 now. Married with a wonderful toddler and trying to get pregnant again. I love my husband so much I'm willing to deal with shit I would have never said yes to in the past. A military life style isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure I love the cheap dental and health insurance. The commissary is awesome and nuke bonuses are amazing, but I would love to have some mental stability. I knew about deployments. We are getting ready for one now. That's why I moved home, but no one said anything about under ways and work ups. No mention of duty days and crappy hours. I went months with only seeing my husband twice a week with a baby to raise a 10000 miles from home. Granted I was used to raising him on my own. When he was born, my husband had started prototype. (3 set of school for nukes) He was on 13 hour rotating shift work and only got 2 actual days off from school. This was everyday for 7 days then 2 days off.  Back to whatever it was I was thinking about. Oh yeah. Feelings. I think my body is fighting back. I haven't had any down time (real down time) since before I found out I only had a little over a week to pack instead of 3 like I thought. He could only get leave from the 1-5th of November. So here I am. still unpacking. With my husband still back where we lived and baby and I where I grew up.He doesn't deploy for another couple of months, but our lease was up and it would have cost too much for us to stay there.....................to be continued. My toddlers is misbehaving.

words

I found myself thinking that maybe I'm going about this all wrong. I had these thoughts and words all sorted out then I lost the anger that fueled my rant and no longer felt the need to express how much of a two faced douche bag this woman is. I wanted to convey myself as this person that most people see me as, but I know deep down that I'm a little more twitch and crazy then people think.   So my idea of letting you in to my personality before spouting off about rude and conceded people seems to off now. So fuck it. Fuck it, Aye!  (Side note: I love how my phone tells me I'm spelling fuck wrong!) I'm going to write like you already know me and take me as I am

Back story.

A little bit of back logging here. I feel that if I just dive into what I want to say without explaining my train of thought. The point would be lost. So here goes.......
     I am by no means a drama queen or a gossip. Far from it. I don't relish talking down to people or belittling in anyway. I grew up  being the one that was there for anyone that needed me. I was the voice for the misfits and the ones bullied.  I don't rank myself with anyone. I don't  put myself above anyone. I put family and friends first.
Why? That's how I was raised and that's what I believe is the right thing to do.  Now did I always have this view point and stick with it? No. I've made my fair share of mistakes and then some. I don't like being the center of attention and even just explaining this much about myself has already seemed like way too much.  I do however want to share my experiences with people. Why? We all need to learn some how. So back to my points. Ha. To make this easier and less wordy. I'll just list  them.

Dislikes

*Stuck up people
*Fake People
*Drama Lamas
*People that stick with their snap jugdements
*Liers
*Bullies
*People in general.......Just kidding!
*Crazy drivers.
*Narrow minded people

Now I don't hate these people. I DON"T HATE ANYONE. I do however struggle with disliking them. I just recently "regained" my faith in God, but That's another story.

I do believe that is enough to help set up for my next post.
Thank you for actually reading this so far and I'm sorry if I bore you.

Begining to blog.

Forgive me for the rough start that is taking place. I'm new to this site and I'm still working out the kinks. I want to for warn everyone. This is a trial run. Now if you'll excuse me. I must change a poopy diaper.