Deployment:Heart Ache

It's been 94 days since I held him in my arms. 94 days of wishing and wanting.  Months, weeks, hours, minutes, and seconds of slight doubts, prayers, and holding everything back.  I keep the house clean and tidy. I keep our son healthy and happy. I hold back the tears as much as I can when something reminds me of him. I've become everything that I have to be. I adapt and this is only the beginning of it all. I feel the pull like a child tugging  on my sleeve. I miss him. It's starting to wear at my resolve. I won't let it win, but I know it will shape me like the ocean beating on the shores. I will become stronger and better at it as time goes on, but right now. It aches and tugs at my heart. 94 days and I feel it now. not just the lust and anger. It's a slight sweet sorrow. That I'm sure like all else will pass.