It's been a long time.-Navy life.

I fell off my blogging horse. Like so many other things. lol. Life got in the way. Homecoming came and went. It was wonderful. No surprises there. I made it through my husband being deployed. Like the way I worded that? I don't want anyone getting their panties in a twist, but YES I MADE IT THROUGH DEPLOYMENT! Fuck you if you don't like the way I said it. Get off your high horse and suck it! lol  I've read a lot of horse shit from a lot of different people.Who say that wives shouldn't say that. Well up yours buddy. You've not the one who has to do it. It's like people without kids telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing. HA!  You'll eat those words. Don't hate on me, because I'm strong enough to be a mother and a father, handle the fiances like a champ and live without the one I love, while constantly worrying about where he is and whether or not he's safe. I'm proud of me and that's what matters. I have another one is store for me,but like everything else. I'll knock it out the park!
P.s. I didn't move back to Va. More on that later.-Mie.

Peeves

Big pet peeve of mine: Using your kids to hurt your spouse/whatever by hurting the kids or putting lies in their heads.
If you have issues with them you should address them with the other adult. Not take it out on the kids. It's wrong and hurtful to all.
Another pet peeve: Not manning up and being a parent. You shouldn't have sex if you aren't willing to deal with what may follow.

Promises I made

When I became a mother, I promised my son I would love him no matter what. I know that there will be times when I don't agree with him and times where he will make me mad, but I WILL NEVER MAKE HIM FEEL WORTHLESS OR NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I will make the same promise to all my children when I have them.
My mother is an alcoholic. She drinks a whole 250ml bottle of vodka a night. Usually within a couple hours. I didn't know as a child and I hated her for it as a teen. As a young adult, I stopped caring when I moved away and started my own family. Now that I'm living in my home town just 5 minutes from my parents house, I have to deal with it again and tonight I snapped. She says stupid and hurtful things when she's drunk. Which she forgets about the next day because she's so drunk. Tonight after giving her her mother's day gift early, which I had to drive to bath and body works in a town 30 minutes away. (I spent 40 bucks on body wash and my sister spent $35 on hand soap for her Plus the lily bulbs I bought her at farm and fleet, $15) She calls my sister up and tells her she feels cheated because we gave my dad his fathers day/birthday gift too and that she's pushed and pushed and has had no help from us. She's dead serious about it too.  We gave my dad 2 lawn mower seats. They were on sale and we each bought one.($34&$37)  Really mom? FUCKING REALLY?  His birthday is June 11th and hers is June 17th. Now I believe in buying shit when it's on sale. So since we didn't know which seat he wanted and they are usually over $100. We both got him one. Now I had every intention of getting her a birthday present closer to her birthday. We normally get her flowers, a card and a gift on her birthday. The works.  Maybe in her drunken state she forgot that. I don't know. I know when I called her back after my sister told me what she said. I was livid and I tried really hard at first not to yell or curse, but at the end of her denying she was drunk and telling me to stop calling her actions complete BS, I was swearing like a sailor and telling her not to ever call again she that's what she was going to do. Then I hung up. I don't get mad often and when I do it's bad. I have bloody hot Irish anger.
Why'd it bothered me so much? She once said my birthday wasn't as important as my sisters and had said numerous times when I was a child that I was my dad's to take care of. She constantly made me feel worthless when I was younger. It took me a long time not to feel that way. Moving over 1000 miles away was the only thing that made our relationship better. The fact that I didn't have to deal with her drunk ass every night. I have no problem with the sober her. I do love her, but I will never understand her need to get drunk and fuck everything up.
It just really pisses me off. I recently bought them a new computer, Microsoft student, and printer, because she really needed a new one for her schooling. I borrowed them $750 for a new tractor/lawnmower. I gave both my parent $100giftcard for Christmas last year and the year before I bought them a brand new expensive grill on top of giving my mom money for it too. My sister is constantly loaning her money or otherwise she'll spend money they don't have. When we had my son's birthday party at her house. I helped out and THANKED her profusely afterward for all her help.  My dad just had double knee surgery and I've called every time she's asked me to and done everything she's asked me too. I'm taking him to a couple doctors appointments this week for her since she has to work. Nothing is good enough for her. I know mow that my anger has lessened. I shouldn't have lost my temper, but after everything I've done for her and everything my sister has done, I don't think what she said was warranted. I don't like to bitch very often but every once in a while. I just have to let it out.  I never want my kids to think that they aren't good enough and that i don't car about them Especially over material things. I'm not really big on hallmark holidays anyways, I'm a mom and I don't care if I get anything from anyone for it. I'm just happy for my son's love.

2

My son turned 2.

Photo :Easter

Easter Sunday at Olive Garden after Church.

Deployment: It is what it is.

I have become complacent. It's been over a 100 days since my husband deployed and even more since I last held him in my arms, but I hurt a lot less. I'm not numb. I'm just done feeling overwhelmed by it. I sometimes forget how it feels to be with him. It's been so long. I give props to army wives, who can go as long as a year without their loves. It's one of those instants that I'm happy my husband joined the navy and not another branch. It would just be too long. Though being in the middle of the ocean makes video chat on Skype non existent. I did get to have one long video chat a couple weeks back when they were in port. It was wonderful to see his face. He calls me every couple of weeks too. Which is nice. Though half the time it feels like all we do is argue over money or there's not a lot to talk about in general. There's no strain on our marriage. The time difference means I'm talking to my husband at 2 in the morning, his time, when he's been working 18 hour days. So he's kinda cranky or so tired he doesn't think about what he says and I get annoyed. It would just be nice for it to be over.  i would like it to be a year from now. So I wouldn't have to worry about moving again and whether or not I have to deal with another deployment. Alas, it is what it is and I have to deal.

Fatty's been bad

I haven't been going like I should. I've been ok with food, but shit keeps coming up and I keep missing Curves. I'm going tomorrow for sure. Though I got to Skype with my husband and he said I look thinner! I really don't but it's nice to hear.

My romance novel

I was staring up at a pair of dark liquid green eyes. It took everything I had to hold that hateful and overwhelmingly lustful glare.   I was the only one that calls him Josiah; everyone else simply called him Joe. He was rough looking.  Yet he was incredible gentle.  He's was a farm hand. That's what this was all about really. I was working on a documentary about "real" farming vs. Farmville.  I was in Nebraska in the middle of a very big farm. My job was to interview different workers about various subjects. I was the fact finder. Whereas my counter parts, Kayla Montgomery and Sophie Lambert, were the air head clueless reasons that there needed to be a film on this subject. They really were the target audience for it and provided a comic relief. 

It's been a month out of the one year we were filming and today Kayla's carelessness nearly got her hurt. Instead, I got hurt. Not that I would admit it. Kayla had gotten herself stuck between a huge steer and the rail. She started to panic when the steer started to squish her against the rail. I was standing behind it and gave the steer a good push from the back trying to push and direct the steer away from her. Well it worked, but right after I had backed away and turned slightly. The steer decided he didn't like what had happen and kicked backwards nailing me in the side of my high. Of course this all happened when the workers weren't close and Kayla had no reason to be near the animals. Luckily for me I had backed up enough that I didn’t get the full impact. I got up and sucked up the pain. Kayla was having hysterics and everyone was trying to calm her down when they finally got to us. Checking her over and flying about. Of course she was fine. Just freaking out over her stupidity. She had been looking for the earring she has lost earlier that had. Really?

David, our producer, walked up to me and quietly asked. "What happened?"

"Kayla is what happened." I snapped. I guess it hurt more than I thought. David flinched.

"Sorry." I said and explained what had happened. Only I left out the part about my leg and when I looked over at Kayla in gesture. I saw Josiah staring down at my leg. Had he seen it happen?  I looked down at my thigh. Oh shit! I was bleeding. I tried to turn a bit so David wouldn't see it, but I was too late.

"Crap! Andy!" yelled David.

 "I'm fine. Really. I can't even feel it I just need a shower and a band aid" I tired reasoning. Josiah and Andy both came over to me along with camera man, Josh.

"No. Josh. Come on!" I whined.

He just smiled. Which I knew meant that I wasn't going to win. I knew why. It was good TV. Nothing personal. Andy, our first aid guy, started looking over my leg. Poking and testing. I grinned through it.

"Please stop. I gritted. "It's not bad."

"I'll be the judge of that. Either way that pants got to go or I have to cut them" Adam grinned up at me.  We were still in the barn and covered in the days grim.

"How about we get her back to the house?" Josiah’s gruff voice suggested

"Good idea. Joe" David said.

"Alright. “ said Andy.

Then all sudden, Josiah picked me up and started to carry me to the house.

I could see Kayla out of the corner of my eye glaring at Josiah's back. I was pretty sure that she had a thing for him, but he had shown no interest in any of us that way.

"I can walk! I stammered embarrassed.

They all ignored me and continued up to the house.

Day 30 music challenge done.

- your favorite song at this time last year

Day 29

a song from your childhood

Day 28

a song that makes you feel guilty

Day 27

a song that you wish you could play

Day 26

a song that you can play on an instrument

on the recorder!!!!lol

day 25

a song that makes you laugh

Day 24

a song that you want to play at your funeral

Deployment:Heart Ache

It's been 94 days since I held him in my arms. 94 days of wishing and wanting.  Months, weeks, hours, minutes, and seconds of slight doubts, prayers, and holding everything back.  I keep the house clean and tidy. I keep our son healthy and happy. I hold back the tears as much as I can when something reminds me of him. I've become everything that I have to be. I adapt and this is only the beginning of it all. I feel the pull like a child tugging  on my sleeve. I miss him. It's starting to wear at my resolve. I won't let it win, but I know it will shape me like the ocean beating on the shores. I will become stronger and better at it as time goes on, but right now. It aches and tugs at my heart. 94 days and I feel it now. not just the lust and anger. It's a slight sweet sorrow. That I'm sure like all else will pass.

For Daddy

Day 23

a song that you want to play at your wedding

Day 22

a song that you listen to when you’re sad

Day 21

a song that you listen to when you’re happy

Day 20

a song that you listen to when you’re angry

Day 19

a song from your favorite album

Day 18.

a song that you wish you heard on the radio

Over kill.

 

                                               A song you hear often on the radio.

Love is fickle

Day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate

Me.

Day 15 - a song that describes you

Life; Credit where credit is due.

Do you ever feel like some people forgot you grew up? You've been living this pretty awesome life for sometime now and hell, you're happy.  Granted yeah. Deployment sucks and yeah. You miss your husband so bad sometimes everything makes your heart ache, but its worth it. Raising a kid pretty much on your own isn't fun, but it's a choice you made when you said I do. . Sometimes I feel like the family I don't see very often, because I grew up, moved, got married and started a family, still treat me like I'm 16. Granted they haven't spent that much time with me since I was that age, but I'm not 16 anymore.  I'm 25.  That's 9 years of lessons very much learned and to be honest my marriage is stronger and a hell of a lot happier then most people I know.  I don't rub that fact in to anyone that I know, because a lot of them are having problems whether they admit it or not.  I'm not the kind of person that says "Well, Na Na Na Na!" or "Maybe you should work on that"  It's not my place. The condescending tones and glances that I some times  are get frustrating and annoying.  Now. I'm not saying that I know everything. Far from it, but I've done extremely well for myself and give credit where credit is due. I'm not perfect. No one is. I just ask that you treat me like an adult. I can read, write, tie my own shoes, legally drink, vote and wipe my own ass. I've raised a healthy and happy toddler so far. I do my own fiances well and have a decent sized nest egg. I'm planning for more children and my marriage was built upon rock. I've made tons of horrid mistakes, but I've claimed everyone. I've learned how to love wholeheartedly and wean myself from hate. I think that deserves a little credit. I don't want a medal or verbal recognition. Just to be treated like I know what's best for me and mine. No second guessing or conversation behind my back about what I'm doing wrong. I've made it pretty dam far on my own and the future looks amazing.

Unexpected love

Day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love

Guility plesure?

Day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure

 I couldn't really think of anything and wasn't sure what they meant by it. So this is a very dirty song.

Fatty McFattison: Fatty was sick

So I missed curves yesterday, but I prefer not to infection people. I was sick with a nasty Viral infection. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel bad for missing a workout but that's life I guess.

Hate

Day 12 - a song from a band you hate

Fave

Day 11 - a song from your favorite band

Sleep

Day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep

Dance

Day 09 - a song that you can dance to

All the words.

Day 08 - a song that you know all the words to

 My husband and i sing this to our son as a lullaby.

Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event

Somewhere

A song that reminds you of somewhere.

Day 5

A song that reminds you of someone.

Sad song

Day 4. A song that makes you sad.

Happy Song

Day 3. A song that makes you happy.

Least favorite.

Anything Kesha or Lady Gaga. They can perform, but they can't sing.

My (currnet) favorite song.

Day one: Airplanes. by B.O.B featuring Hailey and Eminem

30 Day Song Challenge

day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Random

I got my new dress today and it fits fine. I bought it big now for 2 reasons. 1. being that the dresses were starting to be sold out and I didn't want to wait and have that happen and 2. It's easier to take dresses in rather then let them out. So with doing Curves Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, if I loose weight. My homecoming dress will still fit.
With that in mind I need to buy a scale. To be able to keep track of all of the this. I also bought a nifty trash can for the car that hangs on the back of the head rest poll. I haven't used it yet, but it looks promising.

My totally hot dress!

Fatty McFattison: Curves review

Today went great. I got my sister to come with me to try out Curves and we both joined. We went through each machine and  learned about how to use each one. It was great I could already feel the burn! Granted I haven't worked out since high school. Well other then sex. Lol. I'll keep track of what I lose when it happens.


Lbs down: unknown.

Fatty McFattison: Curves

I start Curves Smart tomorrow. Gotta dig out my tennies and figure out what the hell to wear. I don't own "workout" clothes, but I'm looking forward to it.  Wish me luck. I'll be keeping tabs on here and blogging about it tomorrow.

Deployment.: uncertainty.

 I know how long my husband will be gone for. It's the after that part that continues to change.  I moved home for this deployment and our lease isn't up until November. My husband gets back before that, but when we first planned this out. It made sense to to move home, because they talked about deploying not too long after they got back. Now they are talking about waiting like 7 months in between.  I don't want to keep H away from Matt that long, but I don't know for sure about anything.  Matt doesn't know anything for sure either. I was another thing I didn't know would become so consuming about being a Navy wife.  We still want to get pregnant again, but you never know when that's gonna go through either. It would be nice if it happened closer to when he has to leave again. Plus these are thing yous want to talk about face to face. Not through email and short phone calls. Chalk another one up to the list of pros and cons of being a Navy wife.

Day 30:A picture of someone you miss

I miss my husband. Still got months to go.

Day 29:

- A picture that can always make you smile. That word always makes me laugh.

Day 28

A picture of something you're afraid of

 I've been bitten 3 times by these.

Day 27:

A picture of yourself and a family member

 My sister in law, me and my sister when I was pregnant.

Day:26

A picture of something that means a lot to you
My family. this isn't everyone, but it's all the girl cousins on one side

Day 25:-opps

A picture of your day------------------------------ I didn't take a picture yesterday and completely forgot about this altogether.

Day 24:

A picture of something you wish you could change: myself

Day 23:

A picture of your favorite book.

Yeah. It's a little young, but its a favorite.

Deployment:Sex deprived

 I don't mind sharing or listening. So if you are easily offend by sexual content then don't read this. I like I've said before this is my first deployment and I'm just writing the feelings as they come.  I miss my husband. That's a given, but lately I've really missed my husband in a certain way. That's right I miss the sex. SEX SEX SEX.  I've been wired that way  since I was young, but lately everything is dirty to me.  I need my husband to come home. Lets be honest there's only so much you can do on your own.  It's slightly unnerving sometimes and then I think about homecoming at what it's going to be like for both of us.  It's crazy how much you miss sex when it's gone and I don't believe in cheating for any reason. So I'm stuck waiting lonely and horny for months. This  is where I pat every military wife on the back and say we rock and I hope I'm not the only one.

Day 22:pearl stitch pearl stitch

A picture of something you wish you were better at.

21:Forget

A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 20

A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Interview You

If you want to play along:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Day 19:A picture and a letter

I'll never let you down,
or turn your smile into a frown.
I will care about you
and everything you do.
I promise to treat you right,
and do my best not to start any fights.

I'll be the best friend that I can be,
I'll stand by you, you'll see. 
I'll listen to you when you need to talk,
When things are changing quickly, 
I'll be your rock. 
This friendship promise is for you my friend,
to let you know I'll be there for you until the end.

Day 18

A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 17

A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 16: Inspire

A picture of someone who inspires you

                                                                       Inspiring Person

Would you be my Valentine?

Being that in the time my husband and I have been together, we have only had one Valentine's day together.  For some it's not a big deal and they don't care about that day in general, but to me it does. It always has. even when single. I love being able to express my love in anyway possible and a day dedicated just to that  it amazing. I don't care if people thinks it's a hallmark holiday or not.  Love is wonderful and girly things like hearts and flowers everywhere makes me happy. I sent flowers to friends that husband are also gone like mine right now and I know I made their day. Someone cares and that's a wonderful thing. Why hate on it. I'm hoping for a call or an email today, but if not would you be my valentine?

Deployment: undirected anger.

I don't know if there are stages to the emotions you feel while your loved one is deployed, but if there is I'm currently at undirected anger. I'm just mad. Not boiled over or burnt to a crisp. Just annoyed I guess. I knew this would be hard. I just figured I'd just be lonely.  Not angry at everything thing and everyone. I'm feel angry at my husband for leaving. I'm angry at the Navy for taking him and angry at myself your let him go. I'm angry at my family for the looks and the you knew what you were in for. The "he'll be back soon enoughs  and I'm sorrys" I know they mean well and I know they love me, but lets be honest. They have no idea how I feel. I love the help and I don't think I could make it through without them, but sometimes I wish I was closer to people that do. 

Day 15: Photo Challenge

A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 14:Photo Challenge

- A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

 my dad

Day13;Photo Challenge

Favorite band

Everyone loves savings

Day 12"photo challenge

A picture of something you love

Day 11:Photo Challenge

A picture of something you hate.

DAy 10:photo challenge

A picture of the person you do the most*********** things with

Rash: Shots

Should I be concerned about this?

Day 9:Photo Challenge

A picture of the person that has gotten you through the most. Yeah I know that's me, but it's true. I pulled myself through all the horrible things that happen. Yes. There we're others along the way, but I know it was mainly me that help me make it through.